Saturday, 6 September 2014

If I Stay - Movie Review - The shittest YA film to date.

So, against my will I was forced by my sister to see "If I Stay', for her birthday. Having seen the trailer, it looked like a bog standard YA (young adult) movie, with a slight twist in that Mia has the ability to decide whether or not she lives or dies.

The first few scenes in the movie, really weren't all that terrible. Now, I haven't read the book, so I can't talk about it on that scale, but I really liked her parents in the movie, and how they were portrayed. Often times, movies will go for two kinds of parents, the "Embarassing Parents", who will try their absolute hardest to be 'cool' and say the right thing. They'll try to be down with the kids, and instead, everything they do, comes off as cringe-worthy and you find yourself actually agreeing with the cliched kid who rolls their eyes in exasperation, and groans in anticipation of their parents cheesiness.
          Then, you have the "Effortlessly Cool" parents. These are Mia's parents. These are the parents, that have seen it all, done it all, got the t-shirt, the video, the DVD, and wrote the damn book too! There's nothing that can get by these parents, but rather than scold their children for the stupid mistakes they make, they sit 'em down, one-on-one, and talk to them like actual human beings. They'll tell them a story of a similar incident in their youth, and whilst doing so, manage to teach their kids a valuable lesson. These are Mia's parents, and the actors that play them do an effortlessly cool job of portraying the effortlessly cool parents.
         The Chemistry between Chloe Moretz (Mia) and her on-screen parents, is also testament to this, as you believe they are a real family, despite the lacklustre script.


After the crash - which quite frankly was done so poorly, that I felt no emotion or sympathy for the family whatsoever - Mia does a lot of the bog standard "where am I? What happened? Am i dead?" stuff and eventually follows her body to the hospital, by hopping in the Ambulance at the last minute.
Now, technically this is where the film actually begins, Although I use the term "begins" very loosely, as that implies that there is a beginning, middle and end, and with this film it doesn't feel that way at all.


 For the most part the picture you see to your left, is what the film looks like. It's filled to the brim, with "cute" moments like this, designed to show you their burgeoning romance, but in reality most of this film, to me, came across as a discount 'The Fault in Our Stars'.

Let me explain what I mean by that. Anyone who's actually read 'The Fault in Our Stars', knows that it's one of the books, where everything is cute and adorable, every line has some ulterior meaning, and at the end, your heart is broken, and your left crying into your pillow, thinking "WHYYYY, GOD WHYYY!?"
Now the film of 'The Fault in Our Stars', managed to convey most of this perfectly, and whilst the book was still better, the film had the whole "cute" relationship, Quirky characters, every line has an ulteriaor meaning, down. It didn't seem cheesy in tfios, whereas, If I Stay managed to have me rolling my eyes at every turn and at one bit asking, "Who the F*** wrote this shit?!".

The "romance" between the characters, didn't feel real to me. And whilst Chloe Grace Moretz is a fantastic actress, not even she could save this movie.

   Shit like this, in movies, just makes me want to BARF. Now admittedly, if I feel that way, I probably shouldn't be watching Teen Romances, but hey, like I said, I was forced. Somewhat.

In any case, If I Stay was a ball of crap, wrapped in cliches, dipped in cheese, with a little extra fluff. If you're a 13 year old girl, then you will LOVE this movie. Cheesy romaces like this, have you squealing and getting excited, growing up thinking that the hot guy always choses the nerdy girl, or the quiet girl, or the musician born into a family of musicians who somehow thinks she's an outcast. (seriously, who the F*** wrote this shit!?) And this isn't me cussing 13 year old fangirls. Believe me I'm not. I used to be you. But as you get older,  you realise this isn't true, and you subconsciously begin to start to look for something with a little more grit.

So all in all, If I Stay was one of the most disappointing and boring movies I've seen this year. Coming off a year with big blockbuster superhero movies, to this, and you can see why it was lacklustre at best.

I give If I Stay a measly 4/10 stars.

Save your money for The Maze Runner - a truly spectacular film, which I was lucky enough to see at an advanced screening in London! You can check out my NON-SPOILER review for that, here.







Tuesday, 5 August 2014

Guardians of the Galaxy - Leaders of the Marvel Cinematic Universe?





YES. YES THEY MOST CERTAINLY ARE.

If you're one of very few people, who has not yet seen Guardians of the Galaxy - then you, my friend, are a fool. A complete and utter fool.
Perhaps that was a little harsh, but how has a smart, intellectual and extremely attractive person (yes dear reader, I'm talking to you), such as yourself, not seen the BEST movie of the year so far, and undoubtedly the BEST MARVEL MOVIE to date!?
What on earth have you been doing? Eating? Sleeping? Working?
Such foolishness.
Allow me to effortlessly summarize for you, in 3 easy points why Marvel's Guardian's of the Galaxy is the BEST MARVEL MOVIE to date, and simply MUST be seen!


Numero Uno: The Humour

Yes, ladies and gentlemen for those of you not familiar with humour & superhero films, Guardians of the Galaxy is exactly that. From the moment the movie begins, (see gif image of Peter Quill gettin' his groooove on), humour is lovingly thrown at you by the bucket load. From Quill - oops, sorry dude I meant Star-Lord. Your name's Star-Lord. I'll remember next time Quill - dancing and singing to his "Awesome Mix Vol 1", Groot's adorable declaration of his name in the form of the word's "I am Groot" just whenever he thinks it's necessary to remind us, and Drax's misunderstanding of the universally recognised gesture meaning to cut someones throat (that'll make sense once you've seen it), Guardians of the Galaxy is BY FAR the funniest Marvel movie to date, if not, dare i say it, the funniest superhero movie EVER. From Marvel. Released in the last few years. As part of the MCU. Soooo, the funniest Marvel movie to date. Keep up people! 


Number Dos: The Action

Action is obviously a must with any action film, (duh, gosh who writes this sh*t? Oh wait...me. *awkward*) and there's a certain type of action that we've come to expect with Superhero films. You know the type. We wanna see sh*t get blown up. Like really blown up. Destruction and awesome fight scenes like this one with Gamora which leads into something truly kick ass between her and Nebula.
And this one here with Rocket, the badass gun-toting Racoon. No really. (Pick up a comic book bro, you'll see)

Letra C: "Friendship"- The Storyline

One of many good things about Guardians of the Galaxy, is the storyline and friendship that develops between this team of A-hole's or "losers" if you prefer. I recently read an article comparing the many ways the author thought GoTG was actually a lot like every other Marvel movie, and i had to call Bullsh*t on that one because it definitely isn't. Not only does the whole film, from the very beginning have a much different and "quirky" vibe compared to the crop of Marvel movies before it, but this team of heroes, unlike The Avengers, who were put together by Nick Fury and then motivated to actually stay together and fight because of Coulson's "death", this team of Losers, are not in any way brought together by any form of higher power, nor are they obligated to stay together or even work together. The decision to stay as a group for the greater good, was their own, and will continue to be their own for as long as they chose to stay together as friends. Ladies and gentlemen, in the words of a tall. big-hearted talking tree, "We are Groot."

Overall, GoTG for me, was the funniest and most enjoyable Marvel movie to date. I simply cannot get enough of this rag tag team of losers, and cannot wait for them to grace our cinema screens again in 2017.
I give Marvel's epic space adventure fantasy comedy superhero movie, a MAHOOSIVE
9/10!!

IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT, WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?

It's in cinemas everywhere now!! Enjoy!!

Wednesday, 4 June 2014

Maleficent the Magnificent? - A Semi-Spoilery review


I’ve been on a little bit of a hiatus - University and Laptop Issues prevented me from being able to post, but I’m back and with a review!

I’ve spent a lot of time in the cinema lately - honestly, I should just move in, it’d be much easier - and the latest film I’ve seen has been Disney’s ‘Maleficent’, starring my ultimate girl crush, Angelina Jolie.



My expectations for this film weren’t very high, I expected that Angelina would be a standout - obviously - that Elle Fanning would be bland, if a little annoying and that the supporting cast and characters would pale in comparison to its titular character. I expected amazing visual effects and a small spin on an old tale. Going into this movie, I was not familiar with the tale of Maleficent, Sleeping Beauty was not one of my favourite stories (Beauty and the Beast was) and so in terms of storyline, I was not entirely sure what to expect.

The film starts off with a young Maleficent played by Ella Purnell, piercing green contacts, red lipstick, wings and all, and chronicles the story of Maleficent’s childhood. A necessary but boring addition to the movie in my opinion. Perhaps my love for Angelina Jolie impacted this somewhat as I was really just waiting to see her. Nevertheless, we see the young Maleficent take charge of her kingdom and have her first encounter with a human boy - young Stefan - who has stolen something from the magical kingdom. This part is crucial to Maleficent’s character development, as she does not punish the boy, she merely tells him to give back that which he stole, and she then returns it to its rightful place before befriending the boy. The start of a romance that would last throughout her childhood and teenage years.


After some well shot flying sequences and montages of her years spent with Stefan - when the boy visits - we get to the pinnacle of the story. The part where things turn sour for Maleficent. The King attempts to attack Maleficent and her kingdom and in an amazing but way to short for my liking, battle, Maleficent essentially shows them who’s boss, calling upon large tree-like creatures to stand up and fight with her, as she flies through the hoard of the King’s men, knocking them over and swatting them away like fly’s with her powerful wings. This scene was brilliantly shot and executed, and I honestly wish that there had been more of a battle within the film, as on the fighting stance - there wasn’t nearly enough for my liking.

The three fairies, played by Imelda Staunton, Juno Temple and Lesley Manville, were the only characters that I especially hated. Their portrayal was annoying, infuriating and over-dramatic and their scenes were actually quite boring. All they did was bicker in shriekingly loud voices as fairies, and as humans.


Elle Fanning, wasn’t bland as I expected, but she wasn’t spectacular either. I don’t think the young actress had a lot to work with in terms of material, as her character didn’t really do much except smile and...well, smile. Nevertheless, she was ok, but really came into her own towards the end.

The final battle at the end between Maleficent, Diaval and the Kings men, is only the second real battle in the whole film - disappointingly - but with Diaval as a dragon and Aurora freeing Maleficent’s wings it was quite a good end to all the drama of the film. With her wings, Maleficent is as confident and powerful as she was before and triumphs in the battle. The only negative things I have to say about this scene, is that the Kings men would never have been able to hold down a dragon. Never. And yet somehow they did, with chains that they pulled out of nowhere as they had not previously had them with them. Also, disappointingly, was the lack of a real showdown between Maleficent and King Stefan, which I later realised was probably due to it not only being a Disney film, but also being rated PG. With the exception of the drop of blood when Aurora pricked her finger, there was no real bloodshed in this, and so in in my opinion no real battles.

The film was also surprisingly humours at times, which helped improve what would otherwise have been a bog standard Disney movie.

Overall, the film was good, I wasn’t wowed by anything and I essentially got what I expected. Angelina Jolie was simply brilliant as Maleficent, they couldn’t have picked a better actress for the part, but I fear that had it not been for her, the movie would not be nearly as good as it is, as she really makes the film.


All in all I give Disney’s Maleficent.....

6/10

Thanks for reading!